The Gift....!!!!

The moment I opened my eyes I got an adrenaline rush......whoo whoo...be careful its not what you think.......am speaking of the life I experience during the silent hours of the day when its all about me in the dark nights with the stars being my only companion.....Life has been so beautiful to me and me being so selfish to never thank Life in return....!!!!

A day about  10 years back during the springs......I guess what i was witnessing that moment brought me immense joy. Laying on the green field outside my small home I kept staring at the clear blue sky.....small chunks of light white clouds making their own gentle moves.....!!! i kept imagining what shapes were they taking...was wondering where were they heading to.....??
Clearing my mystified thoughts the breeze blew past me and  for a moment though i experienced a heavenly pleasure. It was then i felt that no matter what happens in future no matter howsoever distressed i am...this day will stay as fresh as the first rains in my heart and i will smile one day thinking of it.....!!!

Nothing can match the feel of your exams being done and you again lay in your terrace watching the same beautiful sky with a loads of gushing thoughts in your mind.....with so many years passed by i still think of him.....whom i have known since i was 4....strange but true!!!

Staring at the screen as i sometimes sit clueless about what am i doing? or i try recollecting when did i breath last.....my tired lips gains the zeal to smile back denying all my notions about the day i treasure so much.....The rainy autumn evening when I kissed him......it was not just the liquor that worked, it was the silence we felt, it was as if we were looking at each other for the first time......It was magical....!!!

I think those moments everyday....rather every silent moment.....they are no special days, they are simply special in their own ways. They were my maiden feelings.....I first felt what I never had, i felt like smiling the entire day, i felt like freezing the time forever.....!!!! Did't know what I was happy for.....but had an urge to make someone feel the same way I did....

As always I rushed in to catch up with my buddy who has been bearing me all these time.......i still see him as i did 20 years back......i still find him standing beside me......lending a patient ear to all my worries, my miserable experiences......and my yuhuuuuu rather unmatched feelings...giving him the feel of Wordsworth in summer (dare i compare myself to Wordsworth!!!!)......that's the way life was.......and i guess it still is.....i still find you smiling at me the same way you did........and i still love you the same way i did......!!!!!!

"IS THIS HOW YOU FEEL AFTER DAYS HARD TOIL?"

1.10 pm, As the afternoon sun growls at me......my senses questions me.....

"........Hey is this what you really feel after the day's toil? Trust me the alacrity and zeal with which I begin my day is simply amazing but at the end of the day when I recapitulate what is the net work done then I see how beautifully, W= P.t (work done = power X time taken) goes unproven. This is the time when we feel we should better go off to sleep so that the dreadful day comes to an end, but then again the memory of the next days work make us go crazy. Trust me its a self realization. Some times I wonder how this pitiful event has captured me in its vicious circle......and thinking this I waste my remaining part of the day until I realize its 9 in the morning and the sun is gazing at me as if screaming at me and saying...."Get back to work!!!!"

I mean why and how can a day be so worthless?? I keep wondering as I go through this piece of writing and I suddenly feel that inner voice in me that has gone weak and dormant in me and it says..."You don't even love what  you are doing. Why are you doing this to yourself?". And guess what I felt the blood rushing through every artery of mine that made me feel I am alive and I ought to chase my dreams.......am glad am doing that......!!!!!

At one point of life we everybody do feel this.....I considered myself as useless and that will be unperturbed to any human commotions..... but I was wrong and I feel again that I can do it.....I can believe in my dreams....I can follow my instincts and see them flourish.......I feel happy again like the first breeze in a spring afternoon.....!!!! 

And I get back to do what I love......... "

  

In the pursuit of HAPPINESS :)

In the pursuit of HAPPINESS :)

What do we struggle for in life??

Well being a research scholar.....I not only abide by my passion and instincts about science...I do invest sometime in investigating what I  really want from life. Cannot deny the fact that we all are running the rat race and are trying hard to keep our pace, but as usual our desperate attempts rarely do pay us back.

The problem is we cannot rest our tiny brain....it keeps on changing with places and situation.....for instance when we wake up in the morning we attempt to reach mess on time and struggle hard to be on time....meanwhile our brain keeps on pacing with us thinking all sorts of stuffs...right from what is the menu for breakfast to when am i going to present my research proposal, sometimes most of our brains manages to peep into our personal feeling...thinking how do i make up to my boyfriend for the last night's argument or things like "Oh god how do i make my parents realize that am in no mood to get married!!!" (he he he he)......funny but very true....!!!!.

Its our aspirations that makes us loiter in the lonely corners of our mind..... everybody is working in the pursuit of happiness...Some struggling with the bitter truths of life, some managing to imagine that 'I can thrive till the end'...some are trying to put things in places, while some are protecting the things from falling apart..... Well whatever it is ..... the truth is everybody is making an attempt...everybody is playing their chances to hit the bingo....after which we think we can go with the thought "In the end everybody lives happily ever after".....Picture perfect as we will refer!!!

What I finally think is that basically we all are trying to make our investments to be happy and satisfied in life......!!!!That what makes us smile at least once at the end of the day.... So my toast of the day will be for love and life, coz I feel the dish called life is empty without the garnishing of love.....so ALL CHEERS TO LOVE!!!!! :) :)

P.S: This piece of my mind was lying since few months in my draft....I feel I can share it you guys now!!!

......Life is a long wait.....when we are small we wait to grow up.....when we grow up we wait to achieve our goals....and there is no limit to what we want to achieve in our lives.........

Well here's a thing until now I never understood rather realized was somehow meant to me.......this feeling made me think. What is that which we always long for? or may be  we can frame it as we live for?? Have we figured it out yet?????

Go for it.....ask yourself the same question.....so what do you land up with...something like......yeah...may be or not sure!!!!I in my life always thought of making decisions and in this run neglected my true self.......my true desires......... my true dreams.........

It was very gradually though but I started realizing what mattered to me most.........and I must mention that I didn't realize these all by myself.......there were incidences in my life that made me know things slowly...but in this conquest I did lose a lot of things and learnt a lot of things........It was one fine rainy winter night i realized how much I loved to watch the rain and hear its pattering sound on the window pane......it was one fine night i realized how much i loved to get drunk and lie down under the star studded sky.........It was one fine summer evening when i realized how it pains to get hurt when you leave someone you love and shed your silent tears.........

I don't love to cry.........I don't love to be alone............

That evening seemed very long than usual until he came and sat beside me.........trying to make me smile somehow..............

He says he doesn't love me........... but somehow feels sad when he sees tears in my eyes..........I smiled to what he said...........and I still smile thinking of what he said then............